Archive for 2006

Being in a place of uncertainty is difficult for most people. A person’s tendency is to leave the unknown with its vague and unsettling qualities for a clearer path. Yet, there are times in life when, as much as we would like a more defined direction, it is not to be found.

In the American culture, there is much value placed on getting something done and not much tolerance for being in the process of figuring something out. Yet, the fact remains that any transition has three stages: a beginning stage when it occurs to us that we need a change, a middle stage where we are fraught with confusion and unanswered questions, and an end when we move fully into the new possibility.

Most of us expect and cope with the first and last stages, but we prefer to circumvent the middle one, perhaps because it seems unproductive in our fast-paced outcome-driven culture. But the middle stage has its own meaning and importance in the scheme of things.

This middle stage is a liminal place—the time in-between one reality and another. It can be rich with anticipation and excitement for what is to come, or frustrating and annoying for its inherent lack of definition and directives. As is the case with any threshold, there is a time to step over it into the new place.

Some people, driven by anxiety, rush over the threshold to quell the discomfort that comes with being in unknown territory. They typically experience a mix of outcomes that result from fear-based decisions.

On the other hand, there are those who choose to embrace the liminal place as a legitimate stage in their transition convinced that it holds promise and purpose. They patiently and intentionally wait for external and internal indicators to move into the next phase. All the while, they eagerly anticipate, like a good friend who is coming, the moment when they’ll know the move is right

Is there currently a liminal place in your life about which you could shift your attitude?

Some say the French live for their vacations. They spend several months contemplating and planning, then enjoying their time off; and finally they spend the month after talking about their adventures. In a country where everyone receives by law a minimum of six weeks paid leave per year, there’s reason to ponder and plan for leisure time.

I wish I could say that Americans have the same attitude and verve for vacations, but we do not by a long shot. Even with vacation benefits averaging one-third the French, research now shows that we are not even taking the meager time off that we’re allotted. In fact, some studies reveal that some Americans are actually losing vacation time because they are not using it within a year to two. The average number of consecutive days off that Americans take is a paltry three to four. In my mind, that’s hardly time to do a few of the chores that have been waiting for a year and pack the suitcases, let alone provide anyone with a respite from work and daily demands.

After a busy summer tourist season in the South of France, it is common at this time of year to see signs in local shops that say: “Fermeture Annuelle”, or “Annual Closing” along with the date they’ll reopen. While on one hand I may be disappointed that my favorite restaurant, wine cellar or pottery studio is not at my disposal, I am also glad to see that even the small business owners here succumb to several weeks of R&R.

Americans fall short of this curve as well, especially when it comes to entrepreneurs taking a well-deserved break from work. At U.S. conferences and seminars for small business owners, I see workshops and keynotes with titles like “work/life balance” and “having a life while you succeed in your business” included in the offerings to participants. While there may be an awareness of an “overdoing it” problem in our workplaces, there does not seem to be much of a change toward more moderated work patterns.

Stress-related symptoms account for 9 out of 10 visits to the doctor in our country. I think there is a connection here. I’m curious now about what physical maladies confront the French—perhaps the stress of reentry from a month in the country or at the seaside? But, then, they have so many details to recount that keep their memories alive for at least a month after their return to work…

Last night I gave a talk to the Midcoast Women’s Connection that gathered for the fall kick off meeting at the Common Table in South Harpswell. The long winding drive to the retreat space which doubles as a B&B, was pleasant and provided a welcome transition from my busy day of clients.

The women seemed eager to hear me address the topic of the evening: “How To Feel Renewed in Your Work and Life”. It is a subject about which I am frequently asked to speak. The requests for this topic no longer surprise me since I’m keenly aware of the research that cites that Americans are too busy, overcommitted, and caught in a cycle of overwork.

As I began to address the women, I veered from my prepared notes—a tendency with which I’m becoming more and more at ease as I trust in my ability to respond in the moment to what is most relevant. I spoke from my own personal story about times when I have felt the mystery of life with its array of unplanned experiences and how they had been a source of renewal for me.

I explained how the charming French village of Biot shifted from a mere vacation destination to my deeply comforting home away from home. I was totally taken aback by the turn of events that led to my tender and unexpected feelings toward Biot. First came the experience of being robbed by gypsies in Italy that, in a bizarre set of circumstances, totally cut off my money flow for a week, A “chance” meeting with a Marymount sister just days before proved to be my ticket out of Italy as she loaned me more than enough money to pay for my hotel bill and gas to retreat to France where Biot awaited.

Having settled into Biot for just two days, I received word that my mother had died unexpectedly, leaving me only a day to depart for her funeral after being abroad for 8 months. Once again I did not anticipate the next turn of events that proved to be significant in my life—an Air France pilots’ strike prevented my departure to attend her funeral and I was faced with the question of how to mark her death hundreds of miles from my family and friends. I will forever remember the 14th century church in the village dedicated to Mary Magdelene where I brought yellow roses, a favorite of my mothers. I sat in stillness and silence as I remembered and grieved. There is a peacefulness that comes with giving in to the present moment and I was grateful for the calm.

The women who attended my talk last night did not know how I would approach the topic, nor did I plan the way it unfolded. Yet, their response was favorable and many shared their own examples of experiencing the mystery of life and its accompanying sense of renewal.

It’s not a coincidence that I’m writing this blog on my way to my flight bound for my beloved village of Biot where I hold an annual women’s retreat. I just now realized how this venture recreates for me and other women an environment where we can open to whatever life presents and be supported and guided.

My intention is to continue the tradition that I began last year of sharing excerpts of my time in Provence in my blogs. I hope you will enjoy the journey too.