Archive for 2008

It’s a fact. Transitions trigger fear and fear can immobilize even the most confident optimist about to embark on a new venture. The unknown, inherent in any transition, is not the culprit. Rather, it’s your response to it that can squelch momentum or even cause you to rethink your goal or desire.

Trying to talk yourself out of what scares you may work momentarily. But it’s likely that your fear will return to slow you down and raise your anxiety when you think seriously about taking that risk.

Dealing with fear is not easy and requires more than a “I think I can” mantra to overcome its grip. To move beyond your fear, you need something that surpasses the power of fear and shifts you from backing away to moving forward.

Since it was your dream, desire or goal that elicited your fear in the first place, it can also be the force that dismisses it. If you maintain your focus on what is true (that is, what you desire), and not what you make up in order to be in control of all possible “what if” scenarios, your thoughts will be aligned with your goal. In thinking about what scares you, and/or what you don’t want, you create a type of “disconnect” that diminishes your motivation and limits your ability to push through obstacles.

To put this all simply: Identify clearly what you desire, keep your thoughts focused on it and do whatever you can to move in that direction—then let go.

Transitions involve facing the unknown and that typically triggers anxiety in most of us. For some reason, a blank slate of possibilities inherent in any transition prompts creative minds to conjure up lists of “what if” scenarios—most of which instill fear in our hearts and minds.

While you may believe that your negative projection into the future is necessary in order to feel prepared for anything that might occur, this is not the case. To the contrary, thinking about what you fear might happen, as opposed to what you’d like to occur, is a waste of time, energy and attention. You may discover that this thought process is a habitual reaction to the unknown and something you do spontaneously.

Successfully maneuvering through a transition requires nimbleness and openness to possibilities. Fear elicits the opposite, and has you “pull in the wagons of your life” in anticipation of some threatening outcome.

Consciously thinking about what you desire is an effective and productive alternative to the scenarios that typically make you want to hide under the covers.

I’m not suggesting that you just “think happy thoughts”, but rather, that you become clear about your intention and desired outcome(s) for your transition. While you cannot control all aspects of any change, you can control your thinking and your response to your transition. In doing so, you will shift your attention from what you don’t want to occur to more appealing prospects. With this shift, you should feel calmer and more able to move forward.

Have you ever considered how your parent’s expectations, their own particular career choices and work attitudes, or your home environment affect your work-related decisions?

Some people think that once they become adults, they are no longer influenced by childhood experiences, especially when it comes to work and career. But, that’s far from reality in many cases.

Take for example, a man I’ll call Dean, who, in an attempt to win approval from his father, chose the same career field, only to find out he was a miserable in it. Rather than choosing what would suit him and his interests and skills, Dean chose what he thought would please his father and ended up unhappy and confused. Because of the complex emotional issues influencing Dean’s career choice, he was not aware of what was at the heart of his confusion and dissatisfaction around his work.

Jane is sometimes fearful and anxious at work and finds that certain work situations or particular types of people trigger her anxiety. When triggered, Jane becomes “paralyzed” in her thinking and is unable to make significant contributions to her work.

Jane’s childhood environment was chaotic and sometime violent. At work, when she found herself in situations that in some way remind her of her childhood environment, she reverted back to behaviors and feelings she adopted at an early age to keep herself safe and out of harm’s way. While these behaviors may have been effective when she was young, they now resulted in less than satisfactory performance reviews from her supervisor.

Sally grew up with her siblings and parents, all of whom contributed to the family owned business. The enterprise was all consuming, and kept everyone busy seven days a week. Sally learned at an early age that you “live to work” and that working hard and being productive was the way to be. When Sally graduated from college, she chose not to stay in the family business, but none-the-less, found it impossible to create any type of work/life balance. Her boss had to insist that she take earned vacation and Sally was often at a loss about how to spend her non-work time. She was stressed from over work, but she did not recognize the connection between her family or origin conditioning and her current behavior.

These are a few examples of how family and childhood can influence current work behaviors and choices. If you have noticed a pattern in your work that keeps you from achieving your goals and desires, and you are not clear as to why, you could be influenced by your past.

If this is the case, you may benefit from some help in sorting this out. Your employer’s Employee Assistance Program might be a good place to start.