I’ve just returned from France where I co-led a retreat with Susanna Liller. The participants, all in some type of life transition, were ready to experience the City of Lights and whatever else that might support them on their journeys.

As any plan unfolds, there are often glitches. Add in a foreign country, a new language, and different customs and you have the invitation to be flexible and let go of the way you thought the plan would progress.

Due to a variety of factors, we arrived late to our private walking tour of Paris. Then the tour lasted two hours longer than planned. This impacted dinner plans that then had to be adapted to the French schedule of dining.

As it turned cool that evening, some of us wanted warmer clothing–requiring a “quick” (is anything ever quick in France?) trip back to the hotel before our evening boat ride down the Seine. As the boat captain announced the final boarding call, the last three of us barely made it on board. It didn’t take us long to leave the rush of the day behind and take in the stunning lights of Paris as they lit up the evening sky. In the moment we could pause to reflect and appreciate our good fortune.

The following day, we were off to Chartres, a 50-minute train ride from Paris, and home to the famous Gothic cathedral and its 12^th century labyrinth. Chartres was to be our base for five days. While Paris was magnificent, we were all looking forward to the calm of a relatively small town where pedestrians outnumber cars and spiritual seekers outnumber tourists.

The train doors were closing with half the group still on the train platform. Thankfully, a kind young man appeared out of nowhere and, as if to read my mind, pressed the green button opening the door to let the rest of the group inside. I was reminded that there are always people around who can help you in a pinch, so don’t panic.

In Charters, we all settled into France. The participants enjoyed informal French lessons with me and felt more comfortable taking risks speaking French and being on their own. It was evident that they were opening all of their senses to the beauty of this setting that made their experience all the more satisfying.

We were impatiently awaiting Friday morning, the day of the week when the 250 chairs are removed from the 42-foot stone labyrinth adorning the nave of the Cathedral. Pilgrims have come to Chartres for centuries to walk the stone circle that leads into a center and out again without tricking the walker with false turns. A labyrinth is a meditative tool, sometimes used for reflection, healing and insight. Throughout the day, we each had many opportunities to walk the labyrinth, sometimes with dozens of others joining us, other times sharing it with a few. At day’s end, we gathered to exchange experiences. Everyone’s day was transformative in some way.

Was it all about the labyrinth? Or did St Augustine provide the broader context for a type of transformative experience: “It is solved by walking.”

To spend an entire day in some type of reflective and contemplative activity is bound to have an impact on an individual. Such a deviation from the normal hustle and bustle of daily life can literally bring us to our senses and from the fullness of that place, we may more clearly understand our choices and desires.

The retreat week ended more calmly than it began.  I believe that our willingness to move out of our comfort zones and stretch into the unknown brought gifts beyond what we had anticipated. Clearly there were lessons learned that we could take home with us.

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“I feel like I’ve tried everything and nothing’s working.” After five months pounding the pavement for a new job, Sam was understandably discouraged and frustrated.

Unlike most of my clients, who come for help with their search, Sam knew what networking strategies worked to generate leads and he seemed clear about his competencies relevant to his job target. Even his resume earned a better than average mark before we made some necessary revisions.

So, why wasn’t his job luck turning after several months of diligent effort?

As I always do, I asked questions to get to the heart of the matter:

• How was he doing overall?
• What feedback was he receiving as he spoke to people who were doing the work he wanted to do?
• Were there any patterns to his recent experiences that were reminiscent of the past?
• On a scale of 1 to 10, how interested was he in his job target? What was his motivation to go for this type of job/career?
• How would he describe his current life stage (Sam was 42) and how did he see work fitting into it?

It was the questions about patterns and motivation that revealed some interesting clues about Sam’s situation.

Without much hesitation, he recalled several times in his life when he felt “invisible” and “insignificant”. These incidences harkened back to his school days and brought up sad and painful memories. Sam realized that each time his job search efforts triggered similar feelings, his confidence plummeted and it would take him days to recover. So, his search was marked with a series of fits and starts which prevented him from gaining any significant momentum.

We discussed how this reoccurrence of sorts of childhood experience impacted on his success, but more importantly, how it was providing a nudge for him to heal his memories. I suggested a variety of ways to explore this healing from journaling to meeting with a therapist.

Sam rated his interest in his job target a 5, which provided another “ah ha” moment for him. A low rating for interest, juxtaposed with a high rating for effort just did not match up.

In the ensuing conversation, Sam began to realize that he had been pursuing career options that were not truly his own—a behavior very typical for the first half of life.

At 42, Sam was embarking on the midlife/second half of life journey that calls for inner, rather than external directives. Once he recognized this fact, he was able to begin to frame his job search within his own criteria.

On the surface, it would seem that Sam was down on his luck—another unemployed person not able to land a job. But, at a deeper level, Sam’s circumstance is more complex.

Difficulties in the work/career arena often present patterns and behaviors that remind us to take care of feelings or past hurts.

In this way, whatever is happening can be seen as an opportunity, rather than “bad luck”, and purposeful as long as we are willing to see what is behind the obvious.

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It is estimated that the average person has about 60,000 thoughts a day. That may not astound you, but what if most of those thoughts were ones you entertained yesterday and 80% of them were negative? That is what research from the study of positive psychology and the work of Dr. Martin Seligman has found.

This research is validated in my work, as I’m constantly suggesting to clients that they shift a negative mindset about their career transition. It’s a common phenomenon for people to “fill in the blanks” of an unknown future scenario with less than positive possibilities. But I never really knew why negative thoughts seemed to stick in our minds like Velcro while positive ones seemed to slide more easily out of our consciousness.

Dr. Barbara Abramowitz, a Boston-based psychologist who spoke at a recent professional development meeting solved the mystery for me. She said that the Velcro vs.Teflon phenomenon is a genetic one and goes back to our primitive past when early humans were presented with life or death situations when anticipating escape routes or worst case scenarios were needed to save their lives.

But, this is the 21^st century and there are no saber-toothed tigers lurking in our backyards. So, it’s in everyone’s best interests to bring our thinking up to date!

Negative thoughts stimulate depression and anxiety—neither of which support or foster successful career or life transitions.

So, when you find yourself imagining the worst—stop and breathe! Bring yourself back to the present and remind yourself what it is you truly want.

Identify one small step you can take immediately toward your goal. Chances are that this action will bring you back to the present moment and away from those thoughts triggered by fears from days as a cave dweller.

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“Networking”—it’s an overused and misunderstood term in the job market these days.

Anyone who is looking for a job has probably heard that most vacancies are not advertised in traditional ways and that it behooves any job seeker to “network”.

But, what does that really mean? I’ll bet that everyone has their own version of this job search strategy, but I’m also sure that most come up short in their effectiveness.

Here’s a case in point: This morning, I attended the Maine Women’s Million Dollar Forum—a prime place to network with other business owners.

The first person I met was a young woman who introduced herself as a life coach (but it could have been any occupation).

When I asked her to explain, her response was a rote sounding “elevator speech”, probably meant to inform and entice me with a snapshot of her work.

But, it actually had the opposite effect. I came away unclear about what she actually offered and turned off by her lack of spontaneity in speaking about her work.

Whether the person across from you is a stranger or a longtime colleague, effective networking involves a two-way conversation. When done well, networking incorporates active listening and appropriate questions.

It’s more about the other than it is about you, so don’t hold anyone hostage while you go on about yourself or the difficult time you’re having getting your business going or finding a job.

Be strategic when you network! Think about the particular networking opportunity before you arrive—imagine why others are attending and create relevant questions that will engage people in a conversation.

Meaningful connections are memorable; rehearsed speeches are not—unless you’re writing a blog about what not to do at a networking event!

What are your best and worst networking examples?

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If you’re wondering “why?” in response to the title of this blog, then you’re not aware of the sobering statistics heralding a significant labor shortage in the nation, and especially in Maine, with the oldest population in the U.S.

At a presentation I gave this week for the Human Resources Association of Southern Maine (HRASM) on “Meaning Trumps Money: Key Strategies to Engage and Retain Employees in the Second Half of Life”, over 100 HR professionals learned about the importance of looking to this demographic to meet labor needs in the coming years.

80 million boomers, born between 1946 and 1964, make up 30% of the U.S. population and, if they follow the traditional pattern, will retire within the next 10 years. That enormous exodus of talent, expertise and labor would be devastating to the economy, to the cost of $3 trillion dollars to employers.

Because the current “longevity revolution” charts boomers living 30 more years than the previous generation, they are not all looking to follow the same lifestyle plan of the past.

In living longer, those in the second half of life will not only have more time to do the things they’ve put off as they’ve worked, but will also have years to try out a new career or continue on in their jobs well past the traditional retirement age.

However, research by the MetLife Mature Market Institute shows that meaningful work increases in importance as people age. Therefore, boomers are likely to have different priorities as they live into their second half of life years. While many are expected to continue working well into their 70’s, it’s not likely to be business as usual in terms of what they’ll want as they extend their tenure at work.

If employers want to stem the tide of a labor shortage, they’d be wise to think creatively now about ways to re-engage and retain workers over 50. Here are some ideas to consider:

• Offer sabbaticals (paid and focused leaves of absence) designed to re-tool, renew and re-engage people who’ve been working half of their lives.
• Create opportunities to re-train this population that is committed to life long learning.
• Develop mentoring and reverse mentoring (younger employees teach veteran employees new skills) programs to create a smoother transition from one generation to the next in the workplace.
• Explore personalized alternate work arrangements (part-time, flex time, job sharing) as options to retain quality employees in lieu of retirement.
• Place greater emphasis on meaningful work that matters to the employee and clearly communicate the value the employee brings to the organization.

“We can not live the afternoon of life with the program of life’s morning.”  – CG Jung

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Are you frustrated by the lack of results from your job search? Even though your experience is not unique in this tight job market, you may be decreasing your chances of being hired because of outdated approaches.

When did things change? The shift in what works for job search strategies has been gradual over the past three years, but in the past 18 months, it has been dramatic.

With so many unemployed people in the job market and fewer jobs available, companies that are hiring are not necessarily inclined to advertise in traditional ways in an attempt to avoid a deluge of candidates—many who are not even qualified.

Career Counselors in the know have been stressing for decades the importance of contacts and networking as a key element in looking for a job, but today it is critical.

However, the process of networking needs to go beyond attending local business events and mentioning that you’re unemployed.  It needs to be strategic, well planned and executed.

Here are some tips on how to network for a job effectively:

1.     Be clear and focused about your target and how you can add value to this job. Out of fear of not finding a job, many people are “all over the map” with their interests and job targets. Casting too broad a net may seem like a good idea, but it can actually fragment your focus and make you appear desperate.

2.     Identify key people in your life who are tapped into broad networks of individuals. Don’t forget to run a search of your college or graduate school database of alums for important and unexpected connections to your job target.

3.     Get introduced. No cold calls, please! If you stay on it, you’ll eventually find someone who can introduce you to a person whose job interests you. Then you’ll be in a good place to tap their network of professionals and affiliated organizations.

4.     Create a structure to your week that includes taking steps each day to make or follow up on connections. Getting out and about can boost your spirits and increase your chances of having that pivotal conversation.

For other ideas on the job search and career transitions, check out Barbara’s interviews with Lee Nelson of WCSH 6 TV at the bottom of her homepage.

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Feeling stuck is uncomfortable and you may try to avoid reflecting on it because that seems to keep you in a circle of not knowing what to do.

Keep in mind that avoidance rarely moves you to action, so I’d suggest another strategy in which I was trained years ago. The technique, called “focusing”, was developed by Dr. Gene Gendlin of the University of Chicago. Today, focusing is practiced worldwide as a way to create a type of mind-body connection that often leads to small steps of change, action or new thoughts.

Below are questions to help you face into your feeling of being stuck to see what insights might emerge that could lead to a shift. Plan on a few minutes of uninterrupted quiet time to do this thoughtfully.

First of all, ask yourself: What is the quality of this “stuck feeling”? Specifically, how would you describe it? For example, is it intense, confusing, down-in-the-dumps, or a foggy-type-of-stuck? Use whatever descriptive adjectives fit your feeling.

Then ask yourself: How long I have felt this way? Try to pinpoint an event or timeframe associated with its onset. So, now you might have a description of feeling stuck and an idea of when it began.

Next, consider what is so bad about this stuck feeling. Let your responses come from your gut rather than your mind. Focus your attention on your body, particularly the area of your torso. See what comes there. Don’t rush yourself. Let your responses emerge rather than contrive an answer.

Then ask what this stuck feeling needs in order to shift. Regardless of whether or not you like or agree with the response that may emerge to this question, give some attention to it.

From this response, determine one step you could take within the next week that might begin to ease your feeling stuck. Don’t judge any action steps as too small or insignificant, since it is often the more manageable steps that will lead to some type of action.Notice if your attention to your feeling stuck resulted in any useful insights. Is the feeling exactly the same? If not, you might replay the same exercise on another day to see if another shift happens.

“Like an ability or a muscle, hearing your inner wisdom is strengthened by doing it.” – Robbie Gass

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