Archive for the ‘Emotions At Work’ Category

So, I didn’t get to post Part II of my last blog over the weekend as I said I would, because I was hoping to share the date of my television debut.

While I still don’t have the exact date, I was told it would air this week. Not that I expect my readers to get up before dawn to catch my 4:45 a.m. interview with Lee Nelson, but perhaps some of you might want to view the clip of it on the WCSH6 Morning Report website where it will be posted a few days after it airs.

Just know that it’s been a stretch, as in “growing edge”, for me to put this out to my readers, especially since I’ve not seen any of the three clips that will be aired over the next few weeks.

In looking back on this growing edge of mine to date, here’s what I’ve learned that might be useful to you:

1. When an invitation knocks, notice how you feel about it, not just what you think about it. If there’s excitement or exhilaration coupled with a sense of fear and trepidation, not dread, then perhaps you might consider it. Take a step toward the open door and see what’s across the threshold.

2. Recognize that you don’t have to go it alone. When you are presented with a “growing edge”, be kind to yourself and consider getting some help to tackle the challenge.

3. Let go of the outcome. Stay tuned in to the process and what you are learning along the way and try to detach from the end result. That way, you won’t set yourself up for disappointments in situations you cannot control.

4. Give yourself credit, no matter what, for being brave enough to try something new and leaving your comfort zone.

Since I’m still in process around my current growing edge of saying yes to a series of television interviews on WCSH6, I’m doing my best to practice #3,  as I remind myself of #4!

Oh, did I mention that the producer asked me back to tape another series next month? That invitation jumpstarted the learning process all over again…then I realized that growing edges don’t always get easier the second time around.

But, at least you can benefit from what worked to help you through them the first time!

In the mid 80’s, I attended a life-changing training called “The Empowerment Workshop“, where I learned the concept of a “growing edge”. No longer such a novel term, “growing edge” simply refers to a challenge that makes you feel excited and wanting to move ahead while also feeling a bit scared and hesitant at the same time.

I recently encountered a growing edge I’d like to share.

A phone message came in on a day that was full with client appointments with little time to devote to anything else. Still, I was intrigued by the caller, a news director at a local tv station who asked if I’d be interested in taping a few interviews for a new very early (as in 4:30am) morning news program as an area expert on work.

I felt exhilarated and anxious at the same time–it’s one thing to speak to an audience, another to be on camera with bright lights–letting me know that I’d come up against a growing edge. Given the potential for personal and professional growth this opportunity presented, I knew what I had to do: Not let my fear get the upper hand and step out of my comfort zone.

What I had learned in the training many years ago, still holds true today: If you focus on your fear, you are not likely to explore what’s exciting about the growing edge. I decided to be open and take this one step at a time.

First, I said yes and thank you to the invitation. Fear was at my heels, so I addressed the concern about being prepared by meeting with a media trainer and rehearsed a couple of mock interviews. That helped. Next, I asserted some control  and sent in a few interview questions and viewer tips that I hoped the station might decide to use during my interview. I received a good response from the producer and felt even more at ease. Then I tried to put it all aside until the day of the taping.

That was two weeks ago.

This morning, I awoke early, obsessed a bit over what to wear, and headed for the television studio for my tv debut. I reminded myself of a suggestion I often make to clients approaching an interview: identify three words that describe how you want to be in the interview and use them as mantras for that day. “Calm, engaging and articulate–yes, those would be my mantras”, I said to myself as I drove off for the tv studio…

I’ve had a chance to reflect on this morning’s experience, but see that I’m maxed out for words on this blog, so please stay tuned for part II! I promise the next installment this weekend.

You have choices in life that you may not always see…like whether or not to worry or obsess about not having a job or the slow recovery of the job market.

Even when you feel like you don’t, you often have options that can influence the process and perhaps even the outcome of a situation in your response to what’s happening.

By focusing on what is happening externally, you are likely to overlook what’s going on within you—such as your attitude and feelings—two things over which you have direct control.

Unlike much of what goes on around you, you can have a direct impact on what you think or how you feel.

Recently I was sitting in an airport in South Carolina, missing flight after flight home due to weather conditions, I first felt frustrated and as though something was happening to me. While in a sense, this was true, it was also true that I had choices as to how to spend my time and whether or not to be annoyed or good-natured about it all.

Tensions ran high as passengers heard the news: no flights were coming or going. For the most part, I saw few people making lemon out of lemonade. They had all unconsciously decided to have a particular mindset about something external to them they could not change.

No matter the circumstances of your life, don’t overlook your attitude or your feelings. By shifting your attention, you might be surprised that you feel better by taking charge in some small way of what’s happening around you.

If so, this could be a good thing.

I once met with a client whom I’ll call Clark, who was referred to me by his manager because of interactions with co-workers that seemed out of line with the situation.

Clark was a highly educated and experienced professional and the organization was committed to helping him do what he needed to shift a developing pattern of overreacting.

Owning his part in the communication dynamics, Clark wanted to understand what was really behind his tone and manner of communication.

As it turns out, his outbursts were wake up calls to a larger issue and, to his credit; he was open to learning about them.

During our sessions, we discussed his job satisfaction with his current employer and his chosen career path. While his chosen career lined up well with his current life priorities, competencies and interests, his employer’s form of management and leadership did not.

Clark wanted to be recognized for his high standards and his commitment to his work and wanted to contribute to the decision-making in his organization.

Clark felt stifled and isolated with no place to give input to improve what he saw as ineffective processes and programs. In his words, his behavior was symptomatic of him “hitting the wall” because of no place to go.

While it was not a pleasant experience to feel alone, disempowered and called on the carpet for inappropriate behavior, it was also a pivotal experience in his career.

Out of desire to keep his job and understand what was influencing his actions, Clark explored the meaning behind his actions. His discoveries aligned with psychologist Frederick Herzberg’s theory that linked belonging, respect and recognition with job satisfaction.

As a result, Clark created a plan that included conversations with his boss to open the door to increased involvement in quality projects. He also made a commitment to connect socially with a couple of colleagues with whom he had much in common.

By taking the time to explore his situation and stay accountable for his part, Clark gained important insights and began to feel more in charge of his work life.

Recently I worked with a client who had lost her job and was having difficulty finding a new one. While she often made it to second interviews, she was not the chosen one. Understandably frustrated, she was also convinced that she must have been doing something wrong.

After discussing her approach and reviewing her resume, I surmised that her strategies were sound and that she had a clear enough target and focus to her search.

I let her know that in this current job market, finding a job, even for well-qualified applicants, can take extraordinary effort and time, with no guarantee as to when the job offer will come.

I encouraged her to shift her notion about not being employable and recognize that her difficulty in landing a job was not necessarily about her.

I suggested that she take a look at the actions she’d taken that had generated positive results, such as second interviews, useful contacts and offers to provide introductions to key people.

Today, more than ever, it is important for job seekers to think broadly about their expectations for their job search. Having a solitary goal of receiving a job offer can discount other achievements resulting from a vigilant effort to find work.

If job seekers recognize the challenges they’ve overcome and the risks they’ve taken, they’re likely to feel better overall about their process. This should help to bridge the gap until the offer comes.

Sometimes, someone else might see what you perceive as a regrettable decision as an accomplishment.

Consider the man I saw once, a professional engineer, who was plagued by negative self esteem because of a perceived error in his career decision-making.

While Sam had completed college and attained his professional engineering license, he completely dismissed his accomplishment because he disliked the day-to-day practice of being an engineer.

Sam thought he had made a big error in judgment that cost him thousands of dollars in college loans and years of his life that precluded any future opportunity to enjoy his work.

A devoted father to two sons, Sam wanted them to see him happy in his work and satisfied with the choices he had made. Instead, he feared that he was presenting the opposite type of role model.

While I understood Sam’s thinking that he had selected the wrong career path, I did not see his choices in negative terms. In listening to other details of Sam’s story, I learned that he was the first in his family to complete high school, let alone college, and that educational goals were not particularly valued by his relatives.

With his family’s negative attitude on education, Sam was on his own to find resources and forge a career direction.

A high school teacher who suggested that Sam’s aptitude in math would make him a good candidate for engineering school, was the initial catalyst for his career path.

From my vantage point, Sam had shifted a formidable family legacy for himself and for his sons that threatened to limit his options and keep him working in low-paying jobs. I saw it as a minor miracle that Sam had accomplished all he had.

When I shared my perspective with Sam on his career decision-making, I offered an angle he had never considered, and allowed him to reframe how he saw his choices.

While this shift did not change the fact that Sam didn’t like being an engineer, it paved that way for a different kind of conversation—one that was focused on future possibilities rather than on regrets about past failures.

Some days are harder than others. How discouraged or down you feel may depend, at least in part, by how much you’ve heard or read the news on any given day.

No matter what your situation is—employed, looking for work, contemplating a new career—being in a positive frame of mind will only help you as you go about your life.

Since everyone seems to be ultra busy these days, here are three simple tips that might easily be included into your weekly activities:

1. Be grateful. Psychologist Robert Emmons has done extensive studies on the impact of gratitude. Check out this link for ideas on how to improve your mood and health by expressing thanks.

2. Finish something. Everyone has loose ends in their lives. Even when you are not consciously thinking about what you’ve not completed, you may feel a nagging sensation. When you close the loop on something, whether it’s a conversation, something you need to organize, or any other situation that feels incomplete, you will ultimately feel better. The good thing is that just about anything you do to bring something to completion will give you a sense of satisfaction.

3. Exercise. Didn’t you just know this would be on the list? How many studies do you need to read in order to engage with this “magic bullet” of health and well-being? Getting into a routine of this endorphin-releasing activity is hard to do, but studies show that even 10-15 minutes of exercise has benefits that include mood enhancement.

In these times of uncertainty, you may feel overwhelmed and anxious trying to figure out the best direction, the most effective job move, or the smartest choice for a new career. Putting pressure on yourself to “get it right” can increase your anxiety and cause you to feel stuck out of a fear of making the wrong move.

Rather than halting your job exploration process, you can reduce the risk of regretting your decisions by carefully investigating your options and by basing your decisions and actions on facts, rather than on assumptions, and on intuition, rather than on fear.

It is critical to keep taking steps toward your goal, especially in a tight job market. You never know where one conversation with a good contact might lead.

While you may not see or hear of many job openings these days, that does not mean there are none to be found or that some unique opportunity is not in the offing. More than ever, it’s time to emphasize effective job search and transition strategies and explore the “hidden job market”–that is, those jobs that are filled without classified ads or online job postings. Candidates are recruited through networking, and you can be part of the buzz.

In order to take advantage of the hidden job market, it’s essential for you to know what you have to offer and how your skills, talents and experience can translate to a variety of environments. Flexibility and creative thinking is important in the current marketplace.

Here are a few books that might help you prepare to tap the Hidden Job Market:
Callings, by Greg Levoy
Work With Passion, by Nancy Anderson
A Life At Work, by Thomas Moore
I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was, by Barbara Sher

Recently I was interviewed by Josie Huang, a reporter for Maine Public Broadcasting, for a news story on jobs and the economy in Maine. I enjoyed the opportunity to address questions about what I was observing from the vantage point of my clients.

While the economy has not negatively impacted my career counseling practice, it seems to have shaped the reasons why some clients are seeking out my services.

Most people, who are not in a state of denial, realize that their jobs could be eliminated at any time. This fact causes some to live in a constant state of fear and anxiety that whittles away at their ability to think strategically about their options. In not thinking and acting on their own behalf, they begin to feel they have lost control of their life.

Then, there are those individuals who represent many of my clients, who step back from the doom and gloom of the forecasts to examine their particular situation in light of their own values, strengths, needs and life stage.

These individuals recognize that they have nothing to lose by assessing their career course, job, or position. This does not mean that they plan to resign any time soon. Rather, they begin a process to strategically position themselves for what’s next.

Here are some steps that might be part of your strategy for the future:

1. Describe your current life stage and examine it in terms of your priorities and key values.

2. Determine how closely aligned your life is with your priorities and where there are major discrepancies.

3. Identify your natural strengths and learned skills that engage you and give you great satisfaction. Examine how often you use them in your current job.

4. Ask yourself whether there is another job or different career path that is better suited to your current strengths, values and interests.

5. Investigate what you’d need in order to move in that direction.

6. Take a step to better position yourself for the future, whether you initiate a change or one is determined for you.