Archive for the ‘Midlife/Second Half of Life’ Category

Do you bristle at the term “retirement” that connotes a life free of work and focused on some newfound pastime? If so, that’s because your parent’s concept of the years following a dedicated career is not acceptable or appealing to today’s vibrant and energetic baby boomers who are on a quest for meaning in their later years.

Marc Freedman, author of “http://www.encore.org/?gclid=CPWqvbSDlZICFQEGxwodmWAa_w” Encore captures the essence of an extraordinary shift that, according to researchers, will result in a cultural phenomenon as transformative and significant as the women’s movement.

According to Freedman, “If the old golden years dream was the freedom from work, the dream of this new wave (of baby boomers) is the freedom to work—in new ways, on new terms, to new and even more important ends.”

The years after 50, now referred to as “The Third Age”, “Encore Years”, or Second Half of Life”, currently generate over a million Google results, when only a decade ago, the topic might not have taken up as much as a bookshelf at Borders. But, today, there are a vast array of books available with examples of individuals who closed the chapter on careers that shaped their earlier identities to initiate new experiences that addressed their desire to serve a greater good or enliven some lesser known aspect of themselves.

This shift in the focus and intention of life and work is indicative of the life phase when individuals begin to lose interest in the “what should I be?” question inherent in the first half of life to address the “what am I meant to be?” quest of the second half.

Since this is a topic of great interest to me personally and professionally, you can count on seeing more of my blogs dedicated to it in the future.

In the meantime, here are a few questions to consider as you ponder your next life phase:

What would I do if money was not a primary concern?

What skills, abilities or gifts do I want to offer the world or my community?

What would I feel proud of doing?

Whom do I admire in the world today and what are they doing that might indicate a new direction for me?

For many people, the twenties is a time of leaving home to explore the world of work after college or high school. It’s about determining the profession or jobs that will meet your need to maintain social connections, keep up with living expenses, and try something new.

In the course of this decade, it is common to choose several different jobs without much direction or guidance as to where they might lead or how they fit with your personality, interests or abilities. It is estimated that if you are in your 20’s today, you might have up to eight jobs before you reach 30.

Being young makes it acceptable to flounder and experiment with options. But, this cavalier, I’ve-got-all-the-time-in-the-world type of attitude can dramatically change as you enter the midlife stage. In the fortieth decade, you become increasingly aware of the passage of time and want to assert more control and develop a career plan with the time you have left.

Each decade shares the potential for either a life crisis or a life transition. A transition of some sort is inevitable; a crisis is avoidable. Being in denial about getting older, or judging yourself against the cultural standards of success can each lead to a crisis as you move away from your reality to one that is an unrealistic fantasy or someone else’s expectation.

On the other hand, a focus on your own values, skills and interests might provide clues to a new direction and sense of meaning. For ideas on avoiding a quarterlife or midlife crisis, go to my website: “www.barbarababkirk.com“

The fact that this idea would cross your mind is not at all unusual in America. However, here in France, where I am enjoying some R&R before I lead my annual women’s retreat in Provence on Sunday, it is not commonplace to change careers at midlife, or at anytime for that matter.

French students must decide on a discipline or career path at 16 or 17 years of age. The idea of an “undeclared major” in college is unheard of. One must decide on a direction early on, and that decision essentially casts their professional fate.

While Americans enjoy the cultural norm of changing jobs and professions about 4-5 times on average during their lifetime, the French tend to remain in their “métier”, or profession until retirement—whether they enjoy it or not. Perhaps that is why the French put more emphasis than Americans on non-work activities over which they have more control–like vacations and eating well.

So, if a shift in jobs is in the works for you, be grateful that you are in a culture that supports this type of a life change. Perhaps you could have the best of both worlds in this transition: enjoy a change to more satisfying work as well as put adequate attention toward the non-work parts of life.

Even though I’d find it impossible to make a living here as a career counselor to the French, I have an appreciation for the balance they seem to achieve between work and life.

Have you imagined things you would like to do in your life only to talk yourself out of them because it’s too late or you’re too old? Then you have company.

It’s common for people to dismiss satisfying ideas and interesting options because of inaccurate assumptions. When my clients express resignation about something they cannot do because of their age, I challenge their thinking by asking: What if your age was not a negative factor? How would you feel about the idea then? Eliminating what appears to be the obvious hurdle can allow someone to zero in on the real issue, which might be fear of failure or fear of the unknown.

Whether you are a 30 year old contemplating graduate school or a 58 year old fantasizing a totally new career, it is important to get close enough to the idea to figure out whether or not it reflects what you truly desire. Considering the fact that the oldest person to receive her college degree was 95 and that the second half of life is an increasingly popular life stage during which to change careers, age does not need to be the reason to forego a path toward education or a career change.

Blocks often occur when a person is not clear about what they want and then they are taken off base by an array of reasons not to move from the status quo. One’s age is often a handy excuse not to take the risk. But, the “safe” path can come with a sense of regret.

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count, it’s the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln

Perhaps it hits you just when you think you have life figured out. You wake up in “http://www.lessons4living.com/what_is_midlife.htm” midlife to only to discover that the map of life that has guided you this far no longer leads you anyplace—or at least no place that you’d care to go.

In an effort to get things back to a normal footing, you might go about your business, pretending nothing has changed. But, you cannot fool yourself. While not much else may be clear, one thing is certain: your former way of approaching life no longer satisfies you and with that knowing, you feel adrift and disoriented about the alternatives.

Of course you wonder if you’ve lost your mind, and whether you’ll get back on the old path as quickly as you left it. But, actually, it’s not really that you’ve lost anything, rather that you are now preoccupied with discovering your true self.

Midlife is a perplexing time to say the least. It presents everyone, no matter their profession, income, gender or other preferences, with the most simple, yet complex question of their lives: Who are you meant to be?

In the work arena, the midlife quest can wreak havoc on what was formerly an acceptable and rewarding career path. It is said that the challenge in our early adult years is to establish an identity that is based on skills, competencies and ego-boosting accomplishments. That all tends to change as we enter into the second half of our lives and begin to come to grips with our mortality.

Recognizing that we no longer have all the time in the world to do whatever we might set out to do is sobering to say the least. For many of us, this realization, coupled with jarring world events like terrorist attacks and tsunamis, makes a compelling case for aligning our lives with what matters most.

On my “http://www.barbarababkirk.com/intention.html” “midlife” website, I’ve outlined eight steps to guide you through midlife and its compelling call to change, make a greater contribution to the world, or explore interests and talents that have been forgotten or neglected.

“http://mainejobs.mainetoday.com/lifeworks/010095.html“My last blog about defining midlife drew more readers than any of the 100+ blogs I’ve posted to date. That shouldn’t surprise anyone who knows the stats on boomers—a formidable group of more than 78 million, comprising 30% of the population in the U.S. The fact that boomers tend to be more introspective than any other generation accounts for the array of information on the market to help them better understand themselves and maneuver through this often disorienting time of life.

Take for example, one of the latest books for and about boomers called  “http://www.susancrandell.com/Home.html“Thinking About Tomorrow: Reinventing Yourself in Midlife by Susan Crandell. Crandell, the former editor-in-chief of  “http://www.more.com/more/?_requestid=288677&_requestid=288677“More Magazine, re-engineered her own life and became a freelance writer and book author. Her inspiring book recounts the stories of a group of diverse individuals who seized the challenge of their age and made significant changes at midlife. Among the chapters that feature people whom Crandell refers to as “life entrepreneurs” is the story behind my annual “http://www.yourprovenceretreat.com/“Women’s Retreat in Provence. The profiles in Crandell’s book illustrate what can unfold when someone honestly and attentively asks: What do I want to do with the rest of my life?

To begin to explore that question yourself, consider:

What am I longing to do or experience?

Is there a part of an old dream that could be salvaged and integrated into my life now?

What energizes and engages me? What would need to happen to bring more of that into my life?
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What helps me listen to what is true for me? How can I increase that activity?

What is most important to me at this time? Am I living my life in alignment with this priority? If not, what needs to shift so that I am true to what I value?

“It’s never too late to be what you might have been.” – George Eliot

Consider these four different descriptions of people in job transitions. In spite of their diverse backgrounds, they share a common concern about what might deter them from reaching their career goals…

Jen is 30 something, bright and enthusiastic with several years of West Coast experience in her field. Her Master’s Degree focuses her credentials and adds much to her credibility as a professional. She wants to establish herself back in her native New England, but she questions whether she will be perceived as experienced enough to distinguish herself from other, more established and older professionals.

During Bob’s 30 years in technology sales, he has consistently achieved goals and deadlines and developed a wealth of knowledge about his particular industry. He’s now looking to make a significant change to a different field and job altogether. At 53, Bob is concerned that he is too old to make such a drastic shift in his career. Having enjoyed a certain amount of comfort that comes with experience and years in a particular field, he is also reticent about the prospect of “starting over” in a new field.

Tim is a recent college grad with a liberal arts major from a college in the Midwest. He helped pay for his education by working in construction each summer. At 21, he is finding it difficult to compete with older candidates who have relevant experience and in some cases, graduate degrees in the field in which he is interested.

After two decades as an administrative assistant in the legal field, Molly is in a midlife transition. While she is not certain about where she wants to end up, she is clear that she wants to complete her college degree. She wonders if she missed her opportunity by not remaining in school years before and she is scared that she will be perceived as too old to be a college student again.

It seems to be true that a person’s age can be an asset or a liability when it comes to finding or keeping a job. What is not clear or consistent are the conditions under which age is in our favor or not. Consequently, many people are left guessing about where they stand vis à vis the age factor in securing a job.

The fact that age discrimination and bias exists makes some people ill at ease as they approach the job market. However, fearing something over which one has no control, is simply not productive or useful. Instead, it’s important to remain focused on the skills, experiences, and qualities that are relevant to one’s goal and let go of thoughts that emanate from fears and speculation.

The years between 36-50 can make you wonder what is happening to you and your life. For some people, the feeling of being unsettled is gradual; for others, it hits abruptly like a lead balloon. In either case, the result is the same: an intense feeling of discontent with the status quo and frustrating confusion about how to fix it.

For those of you who can relate to what I have just described, it may ease your angst to know that many people experience the turmoil of midlife years and get through them to enjoy more settled times in the second half of life.

What is it about this time of life that distresses people, and, in some cases, pushes them to abandon their current life for one reminiscent of young-adulthood? Speculation about those reasons range from an unconscious fear of aging and dying to a discomfort with the unknown that accompanies the inevitable life changes.

Many of my clients who are in the throws of a midlife transition speak of feeling adrift and aimless. They are surprised by their lack of direction or clarity about the change that would improve their situation. For everyone, there is a break in the pattern of how they have typically lived their lives. For some unknown reason, they cannot employ the same method of solving this problem that might have worked earlier in their lives. Perhaps it’s because the primary tasks of the first half of life are distinctly different from those of the second half and therefore, require different strategies to navigate them. Or as Carl Jung so aptly put it: “We can not live the afternoon of life according to the program of life’s morning.”

From birth to the mid-thirties, whether conscious of it or not, most people are on a mission to make something of themselves by living up to someone else’s standards, rules, or expectations. Life is, for the most part, outer-oriented and the motivation springs from a desire to be what we believe we “should” be.

Then comes midlife and that all changes and the drive for competency and approval is replaced by an ambiguous quest for greater meaning and fulfillment. And, unlike the first half of life, no one is telling us how to proceed. We must find the direction from within ourselves, rather than from an outside source, in order to discover the person we are truly meant to be.

With that said, it is evident why so many people contemplate career changes in the midlife years. For some, prior years were devoted to shaping a persona that fit someone else’s ideal. People in this circumstance might describe feeling passive about their career path, as if someone else was at the helm and they just went along. At midlife, the desire to take charge, assert more control, and choose a direction in life becomes compelling and can override fears about how it all will happen.

There are many inspiring and educational books on the topic of midlife. Here are a few of my favorites that might help you further explore your feelings and encourage an understanding of this life passage:

New Passages by Gail Sheehy
Crossing the Unknown Sea by David Whyte
The Second Half of Life by Angeles Arrien
In Midlife by Murray Stein